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Monday

 

Skating on the Lake by Emma and Sarah

I looked out my window and saw the lake,
Covered in twinkling ice,
Glittering still with a beautiful shine,
O how it looked so nice.

I hurried downstairs to put on my boots,
To skate on the beautiful lake,
As I glided along I slipped on my bum,
And oh what a noise I did make!

Click here to listen to Skating on the Lake by Emma

Click here to listen to Skating on the Lake by Sarah

# posted by Woodhill Primary School @ 3:50 AM
Comments:
Hi Emma and Sarah,
I like the contrast between the beautiful scene and the hard reality, coming down to earth (or should that be ice) with a bump.
Thanks for sharing.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 10:05 AM
 
Thanks john for your comment.If you come back to this site in a few days you can hear all the poems out loud.

From Emma and Sarah
# posted by Blogger Woodhill Primary School : 4:10 AM
 
*Star* - I love the phrase 'covered in twinkling ice', it gives me a really good picture of the lake in my head.
*Star* - You both read the poem beautifully, well done!
*Wish* - Maybe you could use Colour Magic to create a picture to go with your poem?
S.Buchanan
# posted by Blogger Woodhill Primary School : 1:02 PM
 
from Raabiah and Emma, Mearns Primary
Star - Good detail and you worked hard
Wish - Next time can you make it a little bit longer?
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 1:10 AM
 
from Greg and Lewis, Mearns Primary.

Star - It was funny
Star - It was very descriptive
Wish - Next time please make it a bit longer
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 1:11 AM
 
Megan and Nadia, Mearns Primary
For Chloe,
Star - You spoke clearly
Star - You didn't get stuck on any words
Wish - Next time can you make it a bit longer
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 1:12 AM
 
star- I liked the way you said you sliped on your bum.
star-i liked the way u said twinkling
wish-put in more paragraghs
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 6:40 AM
 
STAR-twinkling ice.

STAR-I liked how you made it rhyme.

WISH-Please can you make it longer.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 6:43 AM
 
*STAR*I liked the part when you fell on your bum.
*STAR*I liked the start of your poem.
?WISH?make your poem a bit longer.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 6:48 AM
 
STAR - I liked the bit when you said "I fell on my bum"
STAR - I LIKED THE PHRASE COVERD IN TWINKLING ICE
*WISH*COULD PUT SOME RHYMING
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 6:50 AM
 
*StAr*- We liked the bit where you came back down to earth with a bump.

*StAr*- Good punctuation!!

?WiSh?- Could you change the word nice to a different addjective.

By Ellie, Rachael and Jennifer!
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 3:33 AM
 
:) - I liked that you laid it out like a poem and made it sound like a poem by making 2 or more words rhyme in each paragraph.

:) - I also liked when you said I fell on my bum, oh what a noise I did make.

:( - Your poem was that good that i don't think you need a wish well done.

Caitlin 21st May 2007
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 3:34 AM
 
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